#control over eating thing and all that this talk about my weight is causing me to do is worry and stress over my weight more and it’s making

[delicateimage]

My moms trying to fatten me up because I’m really underweight I guess and it’s SO FUCKING ANNOYING OMG UGHHHHHHH

[magicalbats]

Kinktober 2024 Day 14: Kinich x Reader

Rating: R-18+

Word Count: 7622

Warnings: Afab!reader, brat taming, hair pulling, bdsm elements, blowjob, piv, creampie, mentioned choking

A/N: I like Kinich a lot, actually. That's it. Send tweet.

⭐

Kinich had always thought you a rather strange one, but the full extent of your oddity is something he discovers quite by accident. 

You’re talking to someone whose name he does not know and doesn’t care to learn when he walks into the outpost. He was only there to pick up a few supplies, a simple errand that should have seen him in and out, but instead he finds himself dully watching the back and forth exchange with a mild pang of interest. 

Quickly enough he ascertains that you seem to be upset about something. 

Shortly thereafter he manages to piece together the situation enough to understand what’s going on. You were angry because the person in question — a gruff looking man from the People of the Springs, given his attire — had tried to swindle you out of your rightly deserved mora. As far as he could tell it sounded like you’d already given him the goods he’d wanted but he was now refusing to pay the full amount you were asking for. 

It wasn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence when Natlan was such an expansive nation and the various tribes largely operated independently of one another, a simple fact that sometimes resulted in tension forming between the different factions. There were those few among them who didn’t think their neighboring peoples deserved top mora for their services just because they didn’t come from the same background. Even Kinich had run into this situation a few times before, but he always walked away instead of entertaining it. 

You don’t have that same luxury when your livelihood depended on trading goods for money though. There wasn’t going to be someone else who was willing to pay extra for a bag of flour to make up for the loss of income this man was responsible for, which meant you’d have no choice but to eat it in the long run. 

And that was all the information Kinich needed to know. 

Not stopping long enough to give it any further thought, he steps forward just as you really start to lay into the guy, aggressively jabbing your finger at his broad barrel chest where you’ve got him partially backed up into the corner. A’jaw belligerently questions what he’s doing but Kinich just ignores him as he usually does. He was much more focused on you and the fact you looked like you were moments away from having a full on conniption. 

“And another thing, you big dummy! You come in here demanding to buy up almost all of my stock of — eek!” 

Outright jolting when Kinich suddenly appears next to you, you snap your head around to look over at him. 

“Wh - oh, it’s just you. Don’t sneak up on me like that! Can’t you see I’m a little busy right now?” 

“I can. Let me take care of it.” 

You do a quick double take. “Huh? What are you even talking about? This has nothing to do with you!” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll handle it from here.” 

The unknown man awkwardly shifts his weight from one foot to the other, glancing between the two of you as if he isn’t quite sure which person to focus on anymore. “Uh …” 

“Dammit, Kinich.” Hissing a dangerous sound, you turn on the saurian hunter with a vengeance to snap at him now. “I don’t need your help with this — this shady, two-bit con man. I’ve got it under control!” 

“Well, I think that might be a little unfair - -“ 

“Shut up!” 

Practically spitting like an incensed, angry cat, you jerk back around to look up at the swindler again. It’s not lost on Kinich that he’s quite a bit bigger than both of you and he could have easily caused you physical harm if he’d so wanted. Whether because he simply wouldn’t or because he couldn’t when there was a witness present, it seemed that luck was on your side today regardless. 

You’re halfway through the motion of lifting your hand as if to snatch at the front of his shirt when Kinich abruptly reaches over to grab under your chin. A startled squawk of surprise bursts out of you as he firmly yanks your face back around to look at him, leaving your fingers to harmlessly arc through the air at the distraction. 

Wide eyed and trembling with impotent rage, you flash your teeth at him in warning. “Kinich - -“

“I said I will handle it for you. Do not argue with me again.” 

The following few seconds see a truly unexpected change in your demeanor. At first you look genuinely shocked at not only what he was saying but the way he was saying it as well. He’d never had any reason to drop his voice to that strict tone of command with you before so this particular reaction was at least somewhat understandable. But then a strange gleam comes into your eyes and your expression abruptly relaxes to almost pouty resignation, and he feels something within him subtly shift. 

But by far the most surprising part of it is the way you docilly drop your gaze as if you couldn’t quite look him in the face anymore, which was so unlike you that it almost makes him wonder if he’s done something wrong. 

It’s also at complete and total odds with the unrestrained anger you’d shown only a moment ago, and the difference is so stark in fact that the man standing before you two starts to fidget. 

“Ah, maybe I should just go - -“

“Yes. Let’s step outside for a moment.” Kinich says, forcing himself to snap out of the curious trance he’d fallen into staring at you. Removing his hand from your chin, he glances up at the taller individual to find that he looked uncomfortable enough to comply with just about anything if it meant he could escape from this strange atmosphere that’s fallen over the outpost. Good. At least he wouldn’t have to resort to physically dragging him out. 

“Hehee, you’re in for it now!” A’jaw snickers, floating up to tauntingly wag his butt in the man’s face. “I hope you’re ready to get your teeth knocked in, because that’s exactly what’s about to happen if Kinich is willing to step in free of charge! Trust me, you won’t like him when he’s angry!” 

That outcome does not come to fruition. 

Kinich merely talks to the guy outside of the storefront and luckily he doesn’t need to resort to violence to get you the mora you were owed. If anything he seems eager enough to hightail it out of there that he probably would have paid double the asking price if necessary but Kinich only takes what was needed to cover the man’s bill. The tiny dragon lord is very disappointed by this peaceful end to the confrontation once everything is said and done. 

Stepping back into the store, he finds you still standing next to the counter with your attention fixed on a seemingly random spot on the ground. It looks like you’re lost deep in thought over something so he doesn’t say a word about what just happened as he walks across the creaking floorboards to place the handful of mora down in a neutral spot where you could retrieve it whenever you were ready. 

And he almost turns to walk right back out but thinks better of it at the last moment, pausing a few feet away to peer over at you. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” 

“You didn’t hurt me.” 

Oh. 

He turns that over for a moment, trying to pinpoint the source of your unusual behavior. “I’m sorry if I scared you.” 

“You didn’t scare me.” 

Oh. 

Now he was really lost. 

But before he can parse it any further than that, you reach out to pick up half of the gold coins sitting on top of the counter before turning away completely. “Take the rest. Consider it payment for helping me out. Thank you, Kinich.” 

Silently, he watches you shuffle into the back of the store, disappearing through the doorway to leave him standing alone in the front with only a grumbling A’jaw for company. You were definitely acting strange, he quickly decides. He’d never seen you so subdued and passive, as if something he’d said or done had flipped a switch in you. Usually you were what most would call a spitfire but this was the exact opposite of that. Like you were more inclined towards servility than you let on, at least when someone used the right tone of voice with you. 

Kinich takes the payment you’d left for him and leaves, and he spends a very long time pondering over this conundrum. 

He spends so long thinking about it, in fact, that it’s not until a few days later that he realizes he’d forgotten to get the supplies he’d needed. 

It almost comes as a shock that he would allow himself to get that distracted by the confounding situation and your equally confounding behavior, but there was no denying a certain interest simmering in the back of his mind now. Something told him you’d liked that little exchange with him even for as brief as it had been, and he was feeling just compelled enough to test it out some more. 

So he returns to the outpost late one evening, shortly before you usually closed up shop, and your glowering attention immediately snaps up at his entrance. 

“You’ve got fifteen minutes to — oh. It’s you again.” 

“I forgot to buy what I came for the other day.” He says simply, giving a vague gesture at the store at large. “Do you mind if I grab a few things real quick?”

“Help yourself.” You quickly respond, a little too quickly if he’s being honest. 

But Kinich pretends not to notice it for the time being as he walks around to gather up the short list of items he needed. A new coil of rope, a whetstone for his blade, a jar of candied yams, as a treat. 

Meanwhile, left to his own devices, A’jaw floats away from him to hover in your general direction. 

“Do you know in whose presence you’re standing, little human wretch?” 

“Well, I’m sitting down, for starters.” You snip back at the small dragon. Evenly matched tempers right there. “And we’ve been over this before. You’re the self proclaimed ‘Almighty Dragonlord’ or some such nonsense. I don’t need another introduction.” 

“Nonsense!” His tiny voice audibly rattles with untapped rage. “You dare to speak to me that way when I could all too easily flatten your puny human settlement to dust! Show me some respect before I make you!” 

“Hah! I’d like to see you try it, fish bait.” 

“Why you - -“ 

Kinich’s ears perk up at that exchange. So he wasn’t just imagining things then. Anytime someone tried to force you to do something you didn’t want to do your claws would come out full force and you were clearly far more inclined to challenge them than roll over in defeat. That still didn’t explain why you’d reacted the way you did when it had been him issuing the command but at least he was starting to get a better understanding of the situation. 

Obviously you weren’t scared of A’jaw, not that he could really fault you for that, and you’d said you weren’t scared of him either … 

Decisively turning on his heel, Kinich walks over to where you’re sitting behind the front counter so he can put his things down for you to tally up. You huff a final sound of annoyance at the so-called dragon lord before reaching over to grab the jar of yams, plainly eager to get both of them out of your store. 

“I could make you do it.” He says so abruptly he almost manages to surprise himself and you suck in such a ragged breath it sounds like someone just dumped a bucket of ice water over your head. 

At the same time the jar slips right out of your hands to clatter loudly against the wooden countertop, nearly rolling straight off the edge of it but Kinich is quick. His hand snaps out to catch it in the palm of his glove before it can fall to the floor and he reaches over to carefully set it in front of you once again. Unfortunately you’re too busy glaring at him to notice or thank him for the save. 

“Make me do what, exactly?” You hiss up at him, eyes narrowed to such dangerous slits he idly wonders if he’s miscalculated something along the way. 

“Show respect. Not to A’jaw, since he doesn’t really deserve it anyway. I mean me.” 

A series of flustered, incoherent sounds escape your mouth while you struggle to come up with a response to that before at last settling on, “Have you lost your mind?” 

“Oooh, and what’s this I smell?” A’jaw croons, nudging his way into the space between the two of you. “Could it really be that my sweet little Kinich has finally gotten to that age? Do you like her? Heehe — hey!” 

Snatching the dragon out of the air, he carelessly tosses him over his shoulder so he can look at you unimpeded. In all honesty he’s not entirely sure what it is that’s making him approach you like this but the deeply flustered look on your face seems to be reason enough for him to continue. He’d enjoyed seeing that softened expression when you’d relented to him a little too much not to. 

That’s not how you’re looking at him right now, of course, but he’s sure he can change that if given half a chance. 

Instead you seem to be rather conflicted about what’s happening, equally torn between being angry at him (something else he couldn’t really fault you for) or giving in to the temptation he presented. That at least he could see clearly in the way you hesitantly regard him as if you were weighing your options. He’s admittedly a bit relieved that he hadn’t misjudged that particular angle of this situation. 

And at last you heave a mildly bothered sigh through your nose. “Fine. I’m game. Show me what you’ve got.” 

He slowly blinks. “Right here?” 

“No, not here! Someone could still come in. There’s —“ A quick glance at the ticking clock on the counter. “Five minutes left until the doors get locked. Can you watch the shop for me, A’jaw?” 

“What? Do you think I’m some sort of measly peon for you to - -“ 

Following Kinich’s lead, you completely ignore the ranting dragon in favor of standing up so you can come around the counter and grab his hand. He’s a tad surprised at your forwardness as he shuffles after you into the back of the shop but at the same time he knows he probably shouldn’t be. You were fierce for your size and pretty looks, so it made a certain amount of sense that a casual encounter such as this wouldn’t have you wilting like a wallflower. 

Apparently that kind of behavior was reserved for a specific tone of voice only. 

And you waste no time plastering yourself to him as soon as you’ve got Kinich in the small attachment to the store where you lived, fully stepping into him as your hands come up to thread into his hair. 

Tugging his face down, you’re suddenly kissing him with an unrestrained hunger that almost manages to catch him off guard. He hadn’t exactly expected this but you were just headstrong enough for him not to be truly surprised by it, and his stomach tightens with the sharp surge of arousal he feels at having you pressed against him so tight. But rather than matching your enthusiasm tit for tat, he takes your face in his palms to make you slow down. 

Groaning a frustrated sound when he eventually pulls back to look at you, your eyes flutter open to pin him with a questioning look. “What? Isn’t this what you wanted?” 

“Relax. I’m not going anywhere.” He tells you in a steady voice that seems to make you more confused than it puts you at ease. 

Carefully dipping his face close again, Kinich watches you rattle an huffy breath and eagerly lean forward as if to meet him halfway but he uses his hands on your cheeks to just keep you held out of reach. It’s clear you wanted to crash your mouth into his and likely take control to set the demanding pace you wanted, and he wasn’t going to allow that. 

“So impatient. Do I have to make you take your time as well?” 

You suck in a slow breath at that, fidgeting against him now as if your anticipatory excitement had just ratcheted up another notch. Batting your eyelashes at him rather sweetly, you rove your gaze up to look into his eyes with a decidedly needy look. 

“Are you going to hurt me, Kinich?” 

He stiffens slightly at that. “What? No, of course not.”

“It’s okay if you want to.” You tell him rather dreamily, swaying slightly in his hold. “I like it rough so I wouldn’t mind. You could just choke me a little bit if you want me to behave.” 

Kinich can’t help the frown that tugs at his mouth. “I don’t need to put my hands on you to make you obey. You’re going to listen to me because you want to.”

“Oh?” Giggling a delighted little sound now, you rock back to really look at him, the glint of challenge in your eyes shining clear as day. “And why would I do that? It’s a lot more fun being bad, you know.” 

“Do you really believe that?” 

You start to open your mouth to respond but hesitate at the unfaltering way he looks at you, brilliant green and serpent yellow starbursts boring straight through your exterior defenses. He isn’t sure what, exactly, passes through your mind in that moment but whatever it is, it makes you nudge your chin up in defiance. 

“And what do I get for being good?” 

“I can show you?” 

At your stilted nod, Kinich sighs carefully through his nose as he drags one of his hands further up to tangle in your hair. Once he reaches the back of your skull he closes his fingers around the root and experimentally tugs to test your reaction. Just as he’d expected, you hum a pleased little sound and tip back into the gesture, small smile curling across your lips now. 

It immediately vanishes however, morphing into an open mouthed gasp when he gives it a harder pull to yank your head back at a vulnerable angle. He keeps the tension in his arm steady and controlled to apply just enough pressure that leaves your neck bent in a submissive pose, mindful not to overdo it and hurt you. Only then does he lean in and close the distance to fit his mouth over yours, claiming your lips with the steady yet demanding push and pull of his. And you react beautifully, shuddering faintly against him as you start to kiss him back. Slow at first, just like he’d wanted, but you quickly become too excited to wait any longer. 

As soon as you start to get too pushy and demanding, he pulls back to leave you whining softly into the air again. If he’d been a lesser man, someone who was far more easily ruled by his emotions, he all too quickly would have given in to the desperate way you proceed to groan his name at him. 

“Kinich!” Like an oath and a curse all wrapped into one. 

He doesn’t care about that though. Not when he now had a point to prove, and he wanted to see you looking so soft and tame for him again. 

“Don’t rush it, little mačka. You’ll take what I give you when I give it to you, okay? I don’t plan to leave you wanting but you need to show some patience.” 

Whimpering quietly, you stiffly bob your head in a brief nod. The motion tugs on your hair, as well as his hand where it’s still gripping onto it, and he uses that leverage to smoothly pull you in again on a controlled trajectory. You bounce slightly on your toes to indicate your excitement but otherwise let him take the lead and guide you into it. 

But he pauses when his lips are only a hair’s breadth from yours, letting the moment hang for a drawn out beat to test your ability to listen. He’s quite pleased, almost strangely so, when you simply hover there against him, clearly wanting Kinich to hurry up and kiss you, yet you don’t try to take it by force or make him do it. You merely wait, somewhat roughly breathing in the same air you and him swap between each other before he finally deigns to speak. 

“Be patient.” He tells you one last time, reminding you again before he closes the distance to press his mouth firmly into your trembling lips. 

Groaning a low sound, you carefully kiss him back with a noted effort to match his pace instead of barreling in full force. He can tell by the tension running through your body that it’s a difficult thing for you to do, settling into this sedate rhythm rather than demanding he give it to you hard and fast, but you do an excellent job of keeping yourself in check this time. 

Such a good job in fact that he soon rewards you by deepening the exchange, using his hold on your hair to tip your neck a little further to one side. His tongue comes up to brush over your lips with a coaxing swipe and you obediently part them for him, allowing Kinich to slip inside and truly taste you. 

Clearly you weren’t used to submission without a certain amount of force being involved and that worries him slightly. Just what kind of relationships were you accustomed to? He didn’t like the thought of anyone choking you to bring you to heel, least of all himself, but you seemed to be responding well enough to his gentle yet firm guidance that he didn’t think it was an entirely lost cause. He just needed to show you that being good netted even better results for you than the reverse. 

Finally pulling on your hair to walk you back a step, Kinich at last disengages from your mouth to leave you breathlessly gasping in the aftermath. 

“Where is your bed?” He murmurs, bringing his other hand down to brace along your waist and steady you. 

“Over there.” Your voice sounds thick and almost intoxicated as you vaguely nod to the right. 

He could see that the two of you were standing in a small sitting room that connected directly to an equally small kitchen but there wasn’t a whole lot in the way of available surfaces for him to set you on in here. Nothing that looked particularly appealing to him in that moment anyway. So he makes careful work of guiding you towards the doorway on the right side of the room where you’d indicated, dropping his hand to loosely grip the back of your neck instead. 

Sure enough there’s a comfortable bed waiting inside which is where he steers you, indicating that he wanted you to sit. You do this without a fuss and he moves to situate himself between your knees while he works on pulling off both of his gloves before setting in to unfasten the belt that keeps his coveralls in place. 

Attentively watching him the whole time, you visibly hesitate until he moves to kick off his boots and you can’t quite seem to keep quiet any longer. “Should I undress too, or …?” 

The fact you’d even asked brings a small smile to his face. Obviously he was getting somewhere with this if you were seeking his approval first before acting on the impulse. 

Leaving his coveralls to loosely slouch around his narrow hips, he shuffles close to nudge your feet apart and settle against you like that. “I’ll take care of it. You’re more eager than I thought you’d be though. Have you given this much consideration before now?” 

“It’s not exactly that,” You murmur, head tipped back to look up at him where he’s standing over you. “But you said you could make me respect you and … make me be good. I wanted to see what you would do.” 

“And how’s that coming along so far?” 

Pulling a quick face at him, you let your mouth curl into a slow smile. “Better than expected. I’m not used to being such a passive participant though, or being handled so carefully for that matter.”

“Mm. Maybe that’s part of the problem then. If no one’s ever taken the time to show you a gentle hand I guess that explains why you act the way you do.” 

You prickle just ever so slightly. “Which is?” 

“Exactly that. You’re always ready to challenge someone and throw your weight around, like you’ve got something to prove. But I’m starting to suspect you actually want to be good, you just don’t know how yet.” Drawing a barely audible breath to ground himself, Kinich leans down to put his face in yours and look you right in the eye. “Well, I’ve got news for you. You’re not nearly as tough as you seem to think you are. I saw the way you reacted when I took that tone with you the other day. It’s one thing if you really do just enjoy a bit of choking and whatever else, but to assume that’s necessary to make you behave?” 

He gives his head a slow shake which you eagerly follow the motion of with your gaze, as if you were transfixed on him. 

“Like I said,” Kinich continues. “I don’t need to put my hands on you to make you listen. I’m not going to hurt you. Not today and not ever. I don’t need to. May I?” 

Blinking out of your trance, you glance down when he nudges his folded over belt at you. He can see uncertainty reflected in your expression for all of half a second, indicating that you weren’t quite sure what he was planning to do with it, but you still nod your head all the same. He’s not sure if it simply meant you trusted him at his word or if it was that troublesome self flagellating streak rearing its head again, but he makes a mental note to address it later after he’d made his point. 

Carefully reaching down, he takes both of your wrists and guides them back behind you. Stilling like that, Kinich gives you a brief moment to process what he wants to do, allowing you a chance to change your mind, but when you don’t protest he gets to work securing your arms in place. Leaning over you like that puts his face so close to yours the two of you are once again left swapping oxygen back and forth, and you issue a faintly dreamy sigh as you intently peer up at him the whole time. 

Pausing to test the give of his belt once it’s tied in place to ensure it was snug but not too tight, he sedately straightens up again. You’re left squirming in place, eagerly watching when he reaches for the front of his pants so he can nudge them down to pool at his ankles and leave him standing in only the second skin of his black top. 

His cock had started to flag in the interim between when he’d first stepped back here with you to making the move to your bedroom and then getting you situated, but it gives a weighty flex in the air now as he steps out of the coveralls to kick them away. You give your lips a salacious lick but he sees that look you give him, quickly reaching out to thread his fingers in your hair before you can swoop in and take him into your mouth.

“Remember what we talked about earlier?” He gently prods you, tipping your head back to make you look him in the face. “You’re going to be patient and take what I give you, aren’t you?” 

“Yes.” You whisper up at him, fidgeting slightly as if to grind your pussy on the bed but it’s clear the effort doesn’t do you any favors. Good. He intended to make you wait until he decided you’d earned it. 

Rumbling a low sound of anticipation, Kinich takes his other hand and curls it around the twitching width of his length to point it at you. At the same time he pushes on your head just enough to give you the go ahead and you slowly lean in to press your lips against the meaty tip of his foreskin. Noising a low hum at the taste of precum, you roll your eyes upward to look at him for further direction which pleases him a great deal more than he would have thought it would. He wasn’t usually the sort who was all that into power games but the way you peer at him from under the fall of your lashes … it’s enough to have him quickly filling out again. 

“Focus on the head for right now.” He murmurs, angling your neck just a pinch to the side, encouraging you to nuzzle your mouth up into it. 

At his command your lips gradually part and your tongue comes out to lightly lave over him with deliberate little kitten licks that make his cock subtly bounce. And you quickly have to straighten up, scooting to the very edge of the bed when it stiffens to stand straight into the air, turning rigid and hard the more you work your tongue over him. The expansion of his length naturally pulls the foreskin taut over the glans, giving you a chance to dip inside and taste the source of that salty discharge directly. 

Groaning a soft sound as you swirl your tongue around the sensitive tip, trying to nudge the foreskin back a little further, Kinich slowly lets up his loose grip on the shaft in favor of reaching down to idly massage over his balls. He’d make sure to have you show them some attention as well before this was over but he makes a concerted effort to take it as slow as possible. It was a good test for you, especially when he could tell you were struggling against the urge to take more of him into your mouth. 

It’s obvious you want to, from the way you softly moan around him to the not so subtle bob of your head to accompany the suction you apply, as if you thought you could tempt Kinich to action if you just sucked his cock well enough. It’s decidedly bratty behavior, he abruptly realizes as he watches you, and the fact you’d still think to test him even now seems a testament to just how stubborn you really are. But the fact you’re still going along with it and playing by his rules seems to him a good sign all the same. That meant he could work with you and probably even train that bad etiquette out of you, or at least put a leash on it. 

Issuing a rattling sound of pleasure at the thought, Kinich takes his hand off his ballsack and reaches up to palm the side of your head with it. Using the grip he’s got on your hair for leverage, he stiffly rocks his hips forward to slide deeper into your mouth. He only goes a third of the way though before pulling back to repeat the process, steadily fucking into the wet, warm space between your lips with halfhearted little jabs. The abrupt increase makes you noise a plaintive sound around him even for as slight as it is, and you make a vain attempt to push back on his hands. 

It’s no use though. His arms are like solid iron where they’re locked in place around your head, and you have no choice but to take it while he drags his cock over your tongue to further activate your salivary glands. His attack on you is twofold, because aside from reinforcing that you're at his mercy like this it also has the added bonus of making spit bubble out from between your lips to dribble down your chin. Even from his elevated position over you, he can see the glistening strings of spittle starting to run out of your mouth and he moans another shaky sound at the visual. 

“Gods, you look so perfect like this. And you’re being such a good girl too. How do you like having that cock in your mouth, huh?” 

A largely muffled sound tumbles out of you but he quickly smothers it the next time he shoves his stiff length over your tongue. Between that and all the spit forming in your mouth, you gag slightly and the resulting cough makes a fresh sheet of drool come rushing out of your lips. 

Deciding to be nice and give you a short reprieve, Kinich nudges back just enough to slip his cock free and leave you sucking in a haggard mouthful of air. As he tips your head back to make you peer up at him again, still struggling to catch your breath, he’s struck by the plain look of flushed submission that stares back at him. You were so soft and malleable for him in that moment that he almost doesn’t even believe it. Were you really the same spitfire he knew? 

“Kinich …” 

“What’s wrong, pretty girl? I thought you wanted me to be rough with you.” 

You give a breathless laugh at that, pinning him with a needy little pout. “That’s not what I’d call being rough. It’s just frustrating.” 

Just as he’d hoped it would be. “And why is that?” 

“You’re still being so gentle with me.” Whining softly, you rock slightly to the side but he’s quick to straighten you back up again, making you sit nicely on the side of the bed even when you try to slouch away. “Please, Kinich. I promise I can handle it.”

Watching you fitfully writhe in place, trying again to grind your pussy on the bed, he can tell that it’s not necessarily impatience he was seeing — or at least not the pushy kind you’d exhibited earlier. Now it’s just that you’re so excited by what’s happening and the way it makes you feel that you wanted more of him. All of him. Perhaps there was even some nervous anticipation at play too, when you had no feasible idea what he was ultimately going to do with you. 

The end result has you looking so sublime and wanton that he feels compelled to give in, to reward you for listening as well as you have. He knew it wasn’t easy for someone as temperamental and stubborn as you to do, and that it would take time spent working on this to see you truly give in to the subservient side of your personality. 

But he still has a point to drive home, so he gently tips your face upward to make you look at him again, even when your heavy eyelids droop with an inviting flutter. 

“I already told you I wasn’t going to hurt you, didn’t I?” 

“Mhmm.” Humming in agreement, you briefly nod your head for him. 

“Good girl. You certainly deserve a reward for being so nice for me, but I want you to complete the task I gave you first before that. Think you can do it?” 

Rousing slightly at his soft, coaxing tone, you nod again with a little more conviction this time. “Yes. I’ll do it.” 

He graces you with one of those small, exceedingly rare smiles before leaning down to kiss you. The taste of himself lingers heavy on your tongue, and he groans a faint sound into your lips at the salty bitterness. 

Kinich is quick to pull back though, and he readjusts his hold on your head and in your hair so he can wrangle you around how he wants. You breathe out a shuddering exhale as he gets you pulled back into place so he can shuffle tighter into the space against the side of the bed to press his cock along your mouth. Giving you a short moment to kiss and nuzzle at it, he then directs your face a little lower to press you into the dangling weight of his balls. 

You don’t need any further instruction than that, rumbling a hungry sound when you deliver a lingering peck to one teste before sucking it into your mouth. It’s his turn to let out a faltering sound now while you carefully swish it back and forth over your tongue, nudging at the sensitive flesh just enough to make his toes curl. 

This is another moment where he’s sure that if he’d been any less in control of himself he would have given in to the urge to shove you back and mount you like a frenzied beast. He’s very tempted, truth to be told, and he’s relatively certain you would like it too, but he refrains. Both because he wanted to set the example and to help temper your own eager arousal a little bit. 

And it seems to work given the very docile way you take your time with it, just idly sucking on his balls with the full brunt of your attention focused on this task rather than allowing yourself to get distracted by your pussy. He can imagine you’re not used to that either, and it’s easy for him to guess at what kind of men you’d been with in the past based on that observation, but he can’t bring himself to hold it against you. 

It’s not like he was really all that different, considering his own past and the kinds of relationships he’d grown up with. In fact, it was probably more surprising that he hadn’t turned out in a similar way than if he had. All of the signs were likely there. 

But there’s a small part of him that hopes his poor attempts at stoppering whatever these self-destructive behaviors are, if that’s really what it is, will have some sort of positive impact on the future. It was the best he could do given the scope of his own circumstances. 

And when he finally pulls your face away to leave a glistening string of spittle stretching between your mouth and his balls, wetly gasping as you glance up at him with such a vulnerably needy look in your eyes, he feels certain that it will. You deserved better than being forced to bend and submit under duress. This was much better for you, and his own heart as well. 

“Are you ready for your reward?” He gently coaxes you, knowing the answer already but still making the point to ask even if only to reinforce that you had the control here without needing to be pushy about it. 

Just as he’d expected, you quickly bob your head in a shuddering nod. “Yes, Kinich. Please. I’ll be good.”

“I know you will.” That was really all he asked of you. 

Breath rattling in his chest now, he eases back from you just enough so he can bend at the waist and nudge you into lying back against the bed. You comply with a delirious little mewl, squirming slightly on top of your bound warms while he grabs at the hem of your breezy dress to hike it up the length of your body. 

As more and more of your body is revealed to him, so soft and femininely curved, he realizes in a distant sort of way that it was going to take every ounce of his willpower to take this slow instead of losing himself in you. Wide set hips perfect for grabbing, a band of pudge around your middle to give him something to press into and a perfect pair of heavy tits dotted with stiff, attention seeking nipples just begging to be tweaked. It was almost too much, and his cock achingly twitches between his legs, threatening to spill over into an early orgasm if he wasn’t careful. 

He realizes he’s softly panting now, as if he’d just finished running fifteen miles straight and he couldn’t quite catch his breath when he moves to situate himself between your bent legs. You’ve got him so worked up he’s not entirely sure how long he can last, but you seem to be in a similar state of high strung arousal considering how your head almost drunkenly lolls back against the sheets. 

Quickly relieving you of your panties — damp, he can’t help but notice — Kinich hooks his forearms under your knees and leans over to brace his hands on the bed, forcing your thighs into a wide spread that leaves your bare cunt fully exposed to him. Whimpering a frazzled little sound, you glance down just long enough to look at the weighty bob of his cock angling towards your defenseless pussy and it makes you go absolutely wild, writhing underneath him with a shuddering gasp. 

“Please, Kinich! Please, I need it! I need it, I need it …”

“I know, I know. Just relax for me, alright? You’ve been such a good girl for me, of course I’ll give you what you want.” Leaning down, he presses a lingering kiss to the corner of your trembling lips where he stays for a drawn out beat so he can internally collect himself. 

Then he pushes up to hover over you, his head hanging low to attentively watch your expression when he begins to lower his pelvis. The sticky head of his cock presses into your equally sticky cunt and wetly skirts across the satiny flesh, making you sob a wordless, broken mewl of desperation. He tries again, angling his hips back and then slowly pushing straight down in time with the internal flex he gives the muscle. That does the trick, and he catches at your entrance where he immediately starts to slide in, and your pussy greedily welcomes the fleshy glans in with a tiny little click. 

Your face twists up in pure bliss at the gradual stretch to your inner sleeve as he feeds more and more of his length into you, hissing in sharp edged relief. He can see your toes flexing just at his peripheral but you’re perfectly trapped like this and completely at his mercy. You can’t even wrap your legs around his waist to leverage yourself or pull him in closer when he’s got them pinned open with his arms. So you just helplessly tremble through the process, wailing a steady stream of stricken noises into the statically charged room. 

And then his pelvis is pressing flush to yours, the dark, coarse curls of his pubic hair intermingling with yours. The sight is enough to make him shudder, groaning a heavy sound even as he makes a valiant attempt to stave off his release, at least until you can cum first. It just seemed like the right thing to do in his cloudy mind, and when he starts to move he doesn’t think it’ll take you very long to find your climax. 

Not only was your pussy completely soaked and readily accepting the continuous slide of his cock, squeezing him tight to try and suck him in even deeper, but your shrill, feminine moans quickly take on a dire tinge once he starts up in earnest. Keeping his thrusts slow and steadily drawn out to make sure you feel every single inch of him that drags against your guts soon has you plaintively sobbing underneath him, begging Kinich to go faster, harder. He doesn’t, of course, and he just takes his time gradually winding you up tighter and tighter until you feel like a wet, trembling vice around him. 

He isn’t sure how much time he actually spends fucking you, far too focused on staying his own release to keep track, but the moment he feels you start to tip over the edge he lets himself go as well. He’d been holding it back through sheer force of will this entire time and as a result it only takes one single slide of his flexing length into the palpitating embrace of your cunt for him to reach his breaking point, the two of you cumming together with a series of seething, masculine groans and girlish squeals. 

In the aftermath when you're both still trying to catch your breath and come down from the high, Kinich looks down at you — really looks at you, and he realizes that this completely satiated, relaxed expression was somehow even better than the submissive one he’d been fishing for. He wanted to see it again, a hundred times more if he could manage it. That meant he’d have to keep coming back then, if you would have him. He hadn’t thought this through quite that far. 

But the way you groggily moan his name, so soft and sweet that it makes his cock give one last shuddering twitch inside you, makes him think that you probably will. It wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind or what he’d expected to come of this, yet that doesn’t register as much of a problem for him. 

After all, there was still training to be done.

⭐

Crossposted: here

[death---dealer]

Would Koba have an lataction kink?(you know… because of his mommy issues…since his mother died when he was very young)👀

Poor reader breasts during the pregnancy… Koba need to leave some milk for the baby LOL

I live in my own world and as a consequence you gets are getting this are you happy to bring out NASTY EM ARE YOU HAPPY

Below are HEAVILY NFSW HEADCANONS. ( 18+ ) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK THANKS!

Caesar:

Oral fixation ( Giving, not as much receiving. The king of giving head, can spend the entire time doing it with no problem as long as long as it brings you pleasure. Finds incredible satisfaction in getting you worked up with just his tongue and will delve in futher by pressing his teeth against you. Makes your entire body flush with want. )

Praise Kink. ( Give this Ape a good compliment in the middle of it? He IS ALL OVER YOU and will urge you to continue. Caesar likes to hear those things from you, they truly do make him feel confident. The more you give, the faster Caesar will be to mount you and take what he wants. )

Orgasm Control. ( Likes to have the power over you and will keep that power by controlling when you cum. Very disappointed if you do unravel before Caesar allots it but it's okay, he'll just start over again, this time even slower to teach you a lesson. )

Noa:

Size Kink. ( You can pry this out of my little hands that he does not enjoy BEING SO MUCH BIGGER AND MORE MUSCULAR THAN YOU. Really comes into play with positions if he's on top and he's able to literally crush you with his weight. Noa is signed up and will commander your entire body if you let him. )

Consensual Voyeruism. ( Oh my god Noa loves to watch you, it's so fascinating to see what Echo like. You fingering yourself for him? Holy sh--- Hats off when he tries it for himself and he's only able to get one of his larger fingers ( PLAYING INTO SIZE KINK HERE ) inside of you where as you were able to fit two, maybe three if you stretched yourself. )

Sensation Kink. ( More aimed towards you, he knows how much you love to feel his fur against you and will intentionally withdraw it at times just to get you to BEG. And boy, will you beg, arms outstretching while he's right out of reach, a rather smug smile on his face as he brings himself down JUST ENOUGH to let the tips of his fur linger against you. )

Blue Eyes:

Breeding Kink. ( WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS. )

Edging. ( something that more or less is your thing, but Blue Eyes has learned to take it as it comes when your mouth pops off his cock, now coated with your saliva. The longer you edge him, the more of his seed he has for you. Really does go hand in hand with the breeding. )

The most straight forward Pregnancy Kink. ( I have no explanation for this don't come at me okay. Just LOVES the way pregnancy suits his mate. The way your body fills out. The boobies, the heightened emotions, sex drive, all of it. He EATS IT UP. )

Koba:

( You did this to me fuck ) Lactation Kink / Breasts in general. ( Ohhhh dear god when you have a baby, good luck for those bad boys. He will willingly help you unclug a duct if you get what I mean. Also, a lot of you riding. Get those in front of his face as often as possible, will lap up if you leak against him, not to mention?? Milk on his fur?? Your scent on him so undiluted and uncontrolled? Boing. )

Bondage. ( Koba is good at hunting. Koba is good at tying up his catches. You don't think he wouldn't do the same to you and have his way with you? BAH. He would, and you would enjoy every. single. moment. Seeing you struggle against the nest with your entire body latched up? Sign the Bonobo up, and even more credit if he just listens to you whimper as you try to free yourself. )

Anal. ( DON'T LOOK AT ME. Causes you pain? Loves it, you're his little play human and he'll tear into you if he has to in order to make himself feel good. And hey, in the long run, it makes you feel good too so win/win. Genuinely finds it disgustingly fascinating how the human body is able to stretch like that and it started as a morbid curiousity. )

[wintersoldiersoul]

A/N: here’s something short because I was bored and work and wrote this and wanted to get something up for you guys ❤️

TW: depression, eating disorder, weight loss

Your eyes didn’t stray from the tv when the door opened. You sat staring ahead like a zombie, a shell of the vibrant girl you once were.

Bucky paused, watching you from afar. He was no stranger to your depression. He had held you through so many bad days and nights, watched over you to make sure you took your meds, driven you to therapy. But this was different. He had never seen you like this. So catatonic. So numb for so many days on end.

He was terrified. He could tell that you had lost weight when he saw the way your collarbones were sharpened beneath your skin. But he didn’t know just how bad it truly was.

It had started a few weeks ago when one bad day turned into two and three and four. The worst part was that you weren’t talking to him like you usually would. You weren’t telling him about the pain. You didn’t cry in his arms. You were just numb.

“Baby?” His voice was quiet as to not startle you.

“Hm?” Your eyes still didn’t leave the tv. You weren’t even really watching it, just using the screen as a focal point for your tired eyes.

Bucky sat down next to you and put an arm on your shoulder. He was so desperate to reach out and hold you but you wouldn’t let him. The most you would allow was a hand on your shoulder or for him to lock his fingers with yours. “Please,” he pleaded. “Just let me hold you. Let me be there for you. Talk to me.” His voice was dripping with desperation.

You looked up at him, making true eye contact for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. All at once it was like you couldn’t take it anymore. Truly looking into the blues of his eyes broke you. A sob left your body as you let your exhausted frame fall into him.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, pulling your body as close as possible. “Holy shit,” he gasped as he felt you. You were so small. So much smaller than he remembered. He could feel your ribs through the thin t-shirt that you had on. Your wrists felt so delicate, like if he held your hand too tight, they would break. “Oh, my love,” he whispered, trying to desperately keep his composure. “What happened?” He whispered.

“I-i just…” you gasped for air, trying to control your sobs so that you could speak. “I don’t know how it got this bad.”

“Can you take some deep breaths for me?” He rubbed your arms up and down reassuringly. “Breathe with me, okay?” He took deep breaths and you tried your hardest to match them. “Honey…” he said, after you had steadied your breathing. “You’re so skinny.”

You sniffled and looked away, feeling ashamed. You hadn’t stopped eating on purpose. The depression caused you to lose your appetite and eventually you had gotten used to running on basically no food. You didn’t necessarily do it to be thin, but more so to have just one thing that you could control.

“I didn’t mean for it to get this bad.” The words came out so quiet. “I just wanted to have control over one thing. Everything else just feels so chaotic and hectic and I just needed something.”

It was as if Bucky could physically feel his heart breaking at your words. You were his angel and seeing you in this much pain hurt him beyond belief. The man had been tortured for decades, thrown from fight to fight against his will and still, he swore he’d never been in as much pain as he was seeing you like this.

“Baby girl, I feel like i’m gonna break you if I touch you. Please eat something. Please.”

You stared down at your hands, playing with a thread on your sweatshirt.

“Please,” he begged again. He had never sounded so desperate in his entire life. “It can be something small but I’m so fucking worried about you right now. It’s like you’re disappearing right in front of me.”

You looked into his eyes once again. “Something small,” you practically whispered.

“Thank you,” he said, kissing you on the forehead. “Thank you.”

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

For my own entertainment I wish the weird man to weird man mental communication in bnha was unhelpful, to the point it showed both Tomura and Deku the most useless but funny (maybe even the small and horrifying) memories they own.

I want to know the silly things. How lame Tomura was at first when he started playing video games. How many times Deku fell on his ass when he was training to control OFA. Want them to realize that they had the same favorite show when they were little kids. I want them to be the loser nerds they both are, for their feelings of inadequacy to mix 'til they can see their reflection in each other.

Mind sharing the big events is cool and all, but it's the little things that made them so similar, at least similar enough to understand where their paths changed along the way.

Deku gets glimpses of Tomura's teenage years and realizes he never ever talked to other people his age except from texting in videogame chats. You could say that Dabi and Toga were his first "friends" in around 15 years... Meanwhile, Tomura gets glimpses of how many times Deku was told to kill himself over the years 'cause he didn't have a quirk, how many times he went home rejected, forgotten, humiliated.

Kid Deku and teen Tomura watching the same All Might video in different pcs in different rooms and sitting on different chairs. Wondering why he was not enough to be saved / wondering when would it be his turn to save people and make them smile. Deku and Tomura walking the streets alone, one of them looking at the wonders of the world in the sky while the other keeps his eyes on the ground to mitigate the hatred of the world flowing in his veins. Deku and Tomura eating alone, researching alone, breaking down on a corner where no one can see it, because there's no one to listen to their burdens and no one to understand their hurt and no one who would see past the superficial, no one who would look at them and say "hey, this kid can do whatever he want to do in life, he was made for greatness!"

Kid Tomura playing with Nomus to not play alone. Kid Deku memorizing random facts in the hope to impress his peers, but they never talk to him. The last time Tomura was hugged at 5 years old. Deku in his almost-vigilante era, cold, lonely and tired of carrying the weight of the world in his shoulders at 17 years old. All the injuries Tomura got used to because he couldn't care less about the pain at that point in time. All the times Deku almost lost an arm trying to prove he belonged at UA with all the other future heroes. The anxiety of sitting in the backyard through the rain, watching how your family is dry and safe inside the house, not you; you have no place among them. The anxiety of a bedroom that no other kid visits, a collection of All Might toys to no one to play with, no one to share your joy or sadness, no one who cares 'bout you besides your mom.

I want them to share the little things, stupid and funny and joyful, depressing and heartbreaking. I want them to share all the moments no one else knows about— to peek behind the curtains that mark them as heroes and villains, but also behind the person they project to their friends and all the people on their side. Like I said before, I know that the big moments are important. It's just that for me, the details make it so much meaningful...

[an0nfr0mth3d3n]

As a sapphic myself, how could I not write a bit about the cutest lesbian couple (almost) on the qsmp?

The day Bagi got picked for Team Soulfire was one of the best days of her life, that she remembered at least. That Eye guy must really be homophobic because Bagi was going crazy with not being able to see the adorable girl that had so captured her heart.

Bagi picked the last of her supplies into her backpack, shouldering it quickly. There was no telling when her former teammates who had got chosen for Red could show up, and she wasn’t keen on finding out if the Green Gay spirit would grant her immunity from her former team.

Plus the sooner she saw Tina the sooner she could find happiness in this cruel horrible world of Purgatory.

Bagi smiled as the sun beat down on her face, soaking up the sounds and smells of the jungle one last time. The spicy hint of cacao, the distant squawk of a parrot, the gentle mist kissing her face, the earthy loam beneath her feet, and the far off crashing of waves against a sandy shore.

With spirit determined, she marched forwards towards the sounds of the waves.

Admittedly, she did in fact tense up a little bit when she saw the terror of the island Badboyhalo, who was doing figure eights in a motorboat (on the beach), but considering she already knew he was coming down to pick her up she wasn’t too surprised.

“BAGIIIII” Bad yelled when he saw her coming from the dense woods.

“BADDDDD!!” Bagi couldn’t help smiling at the sight of her dear friend, and she jogged forward to greet him.

Bad’s eyes narrowing in a manner that Bagi had come to associate with mischief, and as she approached, she noticed him type something out on his communicator.

Bagi stopped in front of him, leaning her hand on her hip. “Ok, whaaat are you typi- OOF”

Her sentence was cut short with a loud impact to her back, causing the Brazilian to fall onto the sand. The confusion only lasted a few seconds because with the impact came a high pitched happy squealing and even though it had been a week, Bagi would know that sound anywhere. “TINAAAAAAAAAAA”

The weight on her back shifted, and Bagi turned over in the sand, not minding the beach sand that was getting into her hair. In front of her, was her beloved-

Woah wait were those abs????

Bagi gawked at the crop top exposing Tina’s midriff. Where once was soft squishy belly, not that Bagi was specifically ever checking Tina out haha never…, were now sharply defined and well tanned muscles.

Bagi could hardly breathe as she tore her eyes away, face bursting into heat. It really didn’t help that as she did so she caught sight of the lean muscle now attached to Tina’s arms, and the pretty tan that the other girl had gotten.

Speaking of the other girl-

“Oh my god. What was I THINKING. Why did I DO that? I literally do not even know why I did that Bagi I am SO sorry. Ohhh god this is so embarrasssiiinngggg. Oh my god let me help you up.”

As Tina talked anxiously, Bagi could feel her senses returning, and briefly registered the shi- the muffin-eating grin on Bad’s face.

“Wow Tina I can’t believe you ATTACKED poor Bagi! I’m so sorry, I guess she doesn’t want you on our team!” Bad said far too cheerfully.

“Shut up you FREAK!” Tina yelled at the…vampalien?

“Freak??” Bad scoffed pompously, “I take offense to that! Bagi get your dog under control!”

“YOU’RE THE D-“

BONK

“OW!”

“DON’T MESS WITH TINA!”

Bad grumbled, rubbing his head, expression that of a kicked puppy. “Such violence! I cannot believe you would hit me, and with a cooking pot of all things!”

Bagi hefted the weight of the pot in her hands “Yeah, well I don’t have my frying pan, so this will do!”

“Wait, you have a cooking pot? Oh my god we should totally make a dinner for each other tonight!” Tina said, grasping Bagi’s arm with stars in her eyes.

Bagi stared. Tina’s face, while slightly cut in bruised from the trials of literally existing in purgatory, was gorgeously sun kissed, a faint tan spread evenly across her complexion that spoke tales of working in the sun.

“Um. Errrr. Yeah. Do you have any ingredients?” Bagi managed to get out.

Tina smirked proudly. “Ingredients? Girl, I’m like, the co-leader of the entire farm! I could get you anything! Anything for you Bagi!”

Bagi grinned, heart fluttering. “Then let’s have a nice dinner tonight. Might as well enjoy something in this hellish place!”

“Could I co-“

“No.”

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[sashabunnie]

Hi! I apologize for not posting recently despite having a resurgence in wanting to draw. I've recently gotten a new art program and am still trying to figure out how to use it. In the meantime I'd like to discuss a topic I find important to talk about.

I recently received a question in my inbox. I found it rude and decided to delete and block the person. But now I'm realizing I could use this comment to educate those not in the art field on this subject, specifically about how proportions and different body types are taught to be drawn. I'll paraphrase the comment received:

"It's funny how you're fat but you draw yourself skinny, it's hilarious."

Yup that's the basis of what the comment was. I could tell from this comment that a) they're trying to be rude and mean and b) they at least don't draw humans and at most have no idea how to draw period.

Now you may be asking, how does this comment lead to an educational moment? I'm glad you asked.

I've been drawing since I can remember, and I only took a few art classes in middle school and highschool. Other than that I'm almost completely self taught and often took my inspiration from cartoons.

I also grew up in a much larger body than a good portion of my peers. I had binge e@ting disorder. This was caused by growing up in a poor family. I was taught to eat whatever I was offered(unless it was by a total stranger). I was also taught at school to inhale my food starting from kindergarten as we only got 15 minutes to eat and 15 minutes to play, if we went over the 15 minutes to eat we weren't allowed to play. Anyways this conditioned me to have BED.

Being overweight as a child was torture. Just like any ED it's very hard to control and even harder to spot in a child. I went untreated until I was 19. I'm a lot better now but sadly my stomach is now partially paralyzed.

Now like I said, growing up fat was extremely difficult, seeing others in my life who were skinnier than I, seeing all the cartoon shows on TV with the pretty skinny ladies and bulked up men, or even lanky men. And sure there were fat people in cartoons, but they're often portrayed as these lazy, stupid, people or they're middle aged with greying or thinning hair, in a mobility scooter, who are also portrayed as stupid and lazy.

I never saw a true representation of myself in cartoons. I never saw a plump nine year old with dreams to become a ballerina or baseball player, I never saw a bigger girl who exceeded in every class who wanted to become a paleontologist. All I saw were people making jokes about the fat character, how dumb and lazy they were.

But to me, I was never lazy or stupid. And when I started drawing myself I did so as a beautiful young person who was smart, clever, and always taken seriously. It was my escape from this world of hate.

Then I started taking art classes in middle school and highschool. They taught very basic anatomy in drawing, such as "this is how long your arm should be" and "the hand should be able to cover the face", just teaching proportions. But here's the catch, they hardly taught anything more than an hourglass shaped body for females and a rectangle shape for men.

In fact if we tried to explore more or less body shaped, whether it was a flat chested female, a dad bod male or vice versa, it was met with severe criticism.

Now over the years I've learned how to draw different body shapes and sizes better than I have in the past. And I have worked greatly to improve my self image and that a bit of extra fat here or there won't be the end all be all.

However that's not to say that I still have a hard time drawing myself as big as I see myself irl. The ED that warped from BED to OSFED in my teen years still yells at me from my mirror, telling me how ugly I am for being in a bigger body. People have told me several times that I'm not as big as the mirror says I am, which is true.

I may be in a bigger body but it's not to a point where my weight is affecting my health. The only real thing affecting my health are a slew of genetic disorders that I cannot control.

Just to conclude, just because someone draws themselves as bigger or smaller does not mean that they're delusional. It's just how they draw themselves.

Just be kind and non judgemental. You don't know what that person has been through and honestly it's not really your business unless it's a threat to safety, theirs or others.

And if you don't like what you see, scroll, it's not your place to get upset over something as small as someone drawing themselves in a different light than your perspective.

Love y'all!

(Picture of my gravity falls x the owl house OC for y'all)

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday fandom :) I love this episode. The aftermath of 5x01. I remember being so very excited every week cause I knew this was their season. I was so giddy for every era we were getting. This ep started the hurts so good/pining era. Nothing better than having your ship on the cusp and getting excited every ep to see what comes next. Return of Genny in this one yay missed her. Imma need more in s6. Looking at you writers.

5x02 Labor Day

We start the ep with a guilt ridden Lucy bringing Chris home to her apt. We all know at this point that’s the reason they’re still together. She nearly cheated on the man for loophole sex with her best friend. Not only that but almost partook while he was dying in the process. Still glad it didn’t go down that way but guilt is the main factor here IMO. Lucy is getting him settled in when there a knock at the door. Love how this detective comes up and doesn’t even care she’s interrupted them.

Legend already haha Says her name is Detective Misha Porter. She teaches at the UC school In Sacramento. Lucy looks star struck saying she knows who she is. Mischa said she’s been doing recruiting and her name keeps coming up. Of course it does Lucy is amazing. Saying she’s worked several impressive OPs. That makes for an ideal candidate. That she is here to recruit her.

Lucy looks guilt ridden once again as she looks at stupid Chris. Just holding her back in so many ways it’s painful. She asks when classes start? Porter tells her next Monday. Saying it’s short notice but they had someone fall out. She’s sure her sergeant would approve it. Lucy lights up for first time at the mention of Tim. Knowing he would. He would do ANYTHING for her career. Something we will see of more at the end of this ep.

Lucy continues to hesitate. Porter sees this and says her classes will open up a ton of doors for her. Lucy tells her she knows. That Detective Harper has told her all about it. She hands her the folder. Saying every unit will want to poach her from patrol after this. Lucy tells her she will think about it…Oh my girl he is not worth giving up UC for. That guilt truly dominating all her decisions.

She returns to Chris and even he tells her to go for it. We see the stress and continued weight of what happened control her. Saying no it can wait. It’s almost like she needs someone else to push her in that direction...Also that someone else is the real reason she doesn’t want to leave. *cough Tim cough*

We see Tim pull up to meet Genny. What is it about him driving that big truck that is so sexy? Mmm. Also in civies. Yum take me now sir. Haha Love that smile of his when he looks at the house. Thank you to your wife for having you do this. It sounds like Genny is having an argument on the phone. Tim asks if she’s ok? She sweeps it under the rug like a classic Bradford.

She just needed his signature on some stuff before the open house. Tim looks so excited this is done and they can finally move on. Genny looks extra sad about it. Seems like it's more than just the house. Tim picks up on this and tells her not to get sad over this house LOL She should be excited they’re gonna get half a mill each for this place. He then is sweet and tells her to call him if she needs anything. Such a good brother ❤️

We return to Lucy at home with Chris. He’s going over her packet saying she has to go. I will give him this and ONLY this. He isn’t trying to keep her from UC school. Now he is trying to do the thing only Tim can. Which is talk her down and have her see some reason. Not gonna happen with you clown. You are not the one for that job. Lucy saying this is where she wants to be. It’s not though…

Lucy is still so angry as she talks about Rosalind. As she should be that’s some serious PTSD for her. Once again not the guy to help her through this anxiety. The guilt is eating away at her and nothing Chris can say will help. Because he is part of that guilt. She almost cheated on him while Rosalind got to him. That’s what’s really eating at her.

Another reason I’m glad it didn’t happened. Would’ve tainted their time together. That would’ve been a painful hill to get over. So no thank you. I’ll be forever grateful it unfolded the way that it did. She is putting off UC for one reason she can’t tell Chris about. Would only add to never ending weight on her soul currently. I wanna hug her.

Oh how I love this scene with Angela. First off I adore him giving her half his burrito ha besties. Second she truly is a cheerleader for Chenford. Also for Tim’s happiness. She just wants to see her grump of a friend be happy. Angela knows that answer is Lucy. It’s been her forever. So she does a little poking around in this scene. Fishing to see what answers she can get. Starting off asking Tim the question that’s been on her mind since Vegas. Even more so since Chris got attacked.

‘How’s Lucy?’ We all know this question isn’t as innocent as it appears. Because well Lopez. He’s out of his damn mind if thinks she gonna let any of this go. I adore this friendship so very much. We notice how Tim likes to surround himself with strong women. His bestie is one of them. His wife another. Only ones he allows to talk to him this way. Heh. I love it. The teasing she does early on in this season is amazing. We were all rooting for her doing this.

Calling him out trying to get him to face his feelings. Do something about them. Angela is as perceptive as they come. And they are as blatantly obvious as two humans could be. Even Nolan knows LOL Tim starts off with a standard answer. She’s shaken but taking time off with Chris. Angela doesn’t care about the Chris part. Asking why he was even there in the first place to find him? Her instigation makes me laugh so hard. Trying to get a real answer out of him. Tim deflecting as he attempts to hold it together for the moment. Just saying he was dropping her off after Vegas. Lies lies and more lies.

Angela’s face is everything. Her 'Mmm-hmm' Calling Tim on his BS answer with her facial expression alone. This is so funny. Tim catching onto what she is throwing down. Asking what she’s implying? When he’s knows EXACTLY what she’s implying. Because babe you almost did what she is suggesting here. You’re just upset cause you're getting caught in that suggestion. I love her throwing back ‘What do you think?’

She is trying so hard to get him to cop to what almost happened between them. Tim goes back to his platonic answer of ‘Just dropping her off. ’ Although his voice gets a little higher in pitch when he does,. Angela’s second ‘Mmm-hmm.’ Is everything. She isn’t buying what you’re selling Timothy. Not for one second. Angela Lopez is a QUEEN. I love her sfm. Man is lying to himself and she just wants him to realize that.

Poor Lucy is desperate for another opinion. So she seeks out her UC mentor. She is so cute when she says Harper is glowing haha I love her sfm. Lucy is asking everyone except the one person she knows would have her answer. So she is hitting up a very pregnant Harper LMAO Who is in no state of mind to be helping her out.

James basically ushers her out of the house. My girl. She needs advice so much and isn’t getting what she needs from those around her. Trying to find someone to validate her skipping for Chris. Thing is she isn’t going to find that. No one is going to validate this guilt of her's like she is seeking. Once again just wanna hug her.

We see Genny waiting in the parking garage for Tim. She called him earlier in the day about offers. Saying they had a developer who wanted over asking. But also a sweet family who wanted it for asking. Tim telling her to go with developer. Cause he doesn't care bout the house. So he makes a crack when she shows up about selling it to a sweet family for 100 bucks ha Such a brother things to do to her. Genny says no.... She has another reason for meeting up other than the house. It’s here we learn about why Genny has been stressed all day. Her and her husband are getting a divorce. Tim tells her how sorry he is. He has most definitely Been there.

Tim asks about the house and who they’re gonna sell it to? Asking if they’re gonna pick the happy family? Genny says no the highest bidder. That divorce isn’t cheap. HA That’ll it’ll soften the blow for her financially being a single mom now. Tim asks if her husband is moving out? She says no she wants to move. Here actually. Asking Tim if that’s ok? He lights up. If there’s anything he needs right now it's family. Especially with all the messy stuff with Lucy atm. It’s so sweet how excited he is. Also their hug is also very adorable. I just adore them so very much.

They nailed casting for his sister. They have an excellent sibling rapport. Good chemistry in that way. Also they do look like they could be related it’s unreal. I love the smile on Tim’s face as he hugs her. My heart. Family is so important to have around. Especially when you’re close to them. This is what Lucy wanted for him out of 4x08. Them to not be torn about their dad but be there for each other like this. Getting me all emotional cause what I have with my baby sister. You know he’s excited he will get to see his nephews more and such too. I love it.

We finally reach their first scene of the ep. It’s a doozy everyone. But such a good one. This is the stage I like to call it 'Hurts so good.' I will always take good productive angst. Well written angst. It’s the BS teenager angst I cannot stand. These people are in their thirties. They don’t got time for that crap. The secret child or breaking up for no reason other than just to make the miserable. Nothing makes me angrier than useless angst just for the sake of having it.

This right here is the good stuff. They did a damn fine job with their angst. It leads us right into that good pining era as well. There is a knock at Lucy’s door. It’s Tim looking mighty fine if you ask me. Says he’s checking in. Asks Chris how he’s feeling? He replies Lucy is taking care of him. The sweet almost sad look to his smile gets me.

Knowing first hand how caring she is. She cared for him long before he was ready for it. When he didn’t appreciate like he would now. This moment is their breakup before they even got together scene. Because that’s basically what it is. We all know Tim included why she’s really holding back from UC school. Her front is Chris. When really it’s Tim and everything they haven’t untangled from Vegas. They haven’t talked about it whatsoever. Tim is there to clear the air.

Lucy is a little bristly with him at the door. He doesn’t let it deter him. Asking her if he can talk to her? She says yes and follows him out into the hallway. Ahh this hallway where so much happened last time. The context and situation so much different this time around. Tim being straight with her right off the bat. Saying he hears she’s on the fence about UC school. She has been hunting down opinions all day long. The one she needs the most comes to her. I love this sfm. Kudos to the writers for setting up this scene so well. Lucy is shocked Chris called him.

Tim says yes it was unexpected..but he wanted him to talk to her. Interesting how Chris could know Tim would be the voice of reason for her. But can’t figure she’s in love with the man and vice versa. Lucy telling him it’s not the right time. Tim won’t stand for this answer. That she owes it to herself to go. Lucy has been the voice of reason for him many times. There to absolve him of his guilt when he blamed himself about Mitch and Caleb. She couldn’t stand him bearing a burden that wasn’t his.

The beautiful part of this heartbreaking scene is he is now doing the same for her. He came not only about UC school but for her guilt. The guilt she is wearing like armor at the moment. About Chris, about what almost happened between them while he was dying. Tim telling he’s going to be fine. That what happened to him ISN'T her fault. Telling Lucy what she used to tell him. Stop weighing your soul down with guilt that isn’t yours to carry.

Lucy brings up what they were about to do. ‘We were about to..’ The way she says that line there is some longing in there. How yes, she’s still with Chris and the guilt that exists with that. But her desire for what almost happened is still there. She doesn’t want to ignore what almost happened between them.

Tim following up with ‘But we didn’t. We didn’t.’ Gah some longing in his voice too. He too is sad they didn’t. The softness in his voice as he delivers that line. Gah it’s so good. Part of him still wishing they had. They had this awakening of their feelings mixed with UC. Then Chris almost dying throwing a nasty wrench in it all.

There is so much subtext behind the lines they’re saying to each other. Lucy then notes the thing she’s been clinging onto. Being his go-fer. Asking if he’s getting rid of her as it? The hurt in her voice *heart clutch* It's written all over her face. Last thing she wants is for Tim to push her away. It’s why she was avoiding UC school in first place. She doesn’t want to lose working with him if she can’t be with him. It’s the closest thing she has to that and now he’s proposing taking that away.

This feels like a breakup because well it is. Their work dynamic/relationship is a huge part of who they are. It’s how we got to this place we’re in. It’s a sacred thing to both of them. Tim is trying to ease her hurt with his reply. Telling her 'No…he’s just trying to look out for her.' The emotions in his voice as he says this. I wanna cry. They both have pre-tears in their eyes. Tim knows this is the right thing to do. Nothing and I mean nothing is more important to that man than protecting her career. Protecting her. Look how far he has come.

Was almost rabidly against her doing UC. Now he’s encouraging it because he knows it’s what best for her. Even if that means leaving him behind. Tim refuses to jeopardize her career in anyway. It’s why he fought her being his aide at first the way he did. Didn’t want anyone to question her or why she got to where she is. Didn’t want any hand in people thinking less of her when it wasn’t true. That even if it hurts them both he is going to look out for her first and foremost.

Lucy can't believe what she's hearing. It's all over her expression in that first gif above. The hits keep coming with this scene. Tim telling her it’s time to move on. When he’s really saying is about them. They had their shot and now it’s time to move on. That they have to accept it's not going to happen for them. Gah kills me as I’m writing this. Took the man years to realizes he was in love with her. Now that he does he can’t have her. So he’s willing to do the honorable thing. Step aside and put his feelings on back burner.

Set aside what he wants for what she needs. Because he knows Lucy. How selfless she is for those she loves. He refuses to let her give up her aspirations for him. Lucy is crushed with his retort of moving on. They’re both so vulnerable in this scene. It’s what makes it hurt so damn good. Props to Eric and Melissa once again. Conveying so much with their words, eyes, and expressions. We are truly lucky to have them as our ship.

Lucy does some double talk of her own. Saying some time away would be good. Really meaning she can’t be around him especially after him breaking this off. That if she can’t be with him better to be away from him. That this far too painful for her. For them both really. Tim trying to build up her saying what a great opportunity this will be. We know how hard this conversation is for him to have. But it shows the depth of growth in him to have it.

This is so very hard on him to give up. Lucy can’t even say more. Her heart is breaking in this moment. Her person is sending her away from him. All she can muster up is ‘Mmhmm..’ because if she speaks any further she’s going to cry. Tim most definitely won’t be able to handle that. Tim with tears in his eyes telling her she should go for it. Even if it’s killing him inside to be apart from her. To walk away from their potential romantically.

Tim feels the best thing he can do for her is distance himself. He is going to fall on his sword to make sure her future is secure. Now that is love. My goodness. The way she is searching his face in the first gif. Oof. She looks so hurt and angry at him for this. She also is trying to keep her shit together. It breaks my heart. This entire scene does. Then our boy walks away and she looks devastated. He has a smile on his face till he turns away from her. Then we see the heartbreak evident on his beautiful face. Ugh.

How she can go back in Chris after that I don't know.. After this scene I knew this season was going to be a hell of a ride. This was the perfect productive angst for them. Hurt like a SOB to watch. A true gut punch to your feels. But damn so well written and acted. I loved it sfm. Oh my lord I love this season.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Nyla’s entire birth SL is hilarious. It’s an insane ride that I love. ‘It’s a girl’ LMAO LEGEND

Thank you thank you to all you amazing readers. Wouldn’t have gotten this far without you all. Your likes, reblogs and comments fuel My soul to write. Shall see you all in 5x03 :)

[rohan-will-answer]

Life update! This is going to be a looooong post! Lots of things have changed!

So about a year ago, ***** and I broke up (I'm keeping his name out of this). It was a long time coming but ultimately it was what we both needed. Everything fell apart. We were polyamorous for the majority of our relationship - but we were bad at it. I hated it for a long time before I finally became more comfortable. When I did feel more comfortable, ***** felt more insecure and closed us off again, with the intention of opening things back up later. But basically, I fucked up and caused the breakup.

I met someone, Marek, and developed feelings quickly. I fell for them hard and told ***** how I felt. ***** forbade me from talking to Marek, but I continued to indirectly talk to them through posts I made about them on the app we met on. I would post about them, they would post about me, and eventually, ***** found the posts and ended the relationship.

I was devastated at first and was overwhelmed by the guilt. Losing the person I was with for over 8 years was awful. But then I started to process the things that happened over the course of that relationship and realized it was beyond unhealthy for both of us. Neither of us were fully to blame for that toxicity. We fed off each other. The relationship was deeply codependent and had so many issues that honestly, it should have ended years before it did. But the codependency kept us together. It was bad.

BUT!!!!

Now life is amazing! Marek and I started actually dating and they are beyond a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me. The relationship is healthy. Everything feels good and I am deeply in love. We communicate well, our interests and desires in life align, I feel safe with them and never doubt their love for me. They are perfection in human form. I've never met anyone I vibe with so well, genuinely. We will have been together for a year on September 1st! (｡💚▽🩷｡)

Since the breakup, my mental health has improved significantly! I feel joy these days! I am far more stable, my confidence has improved drastically, I have finally met myself, I'm healing my inner child, and I'm far more independent than I ever have been. Marek supports me and makes me feel like I can do anything. I fully believe I was being held back by my last relationship because of the previously mentioned codependency. I wish ***** the best, but I'm happy we aren't together anymore. We both deserve better than what we got from each other.

Some smaller things than a massive relationship change:

I now live in a geodesic dome

I have become completely and utterly OBSESSED with Kirby

My hair is green

My sense of fashion has become super maximalist and colorful

I have control over my eating disorder and I'm finally at a healthy weight

I went to Scotland

I have made friends in the Portland area

I was officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which has made therapy far more effective for me

I have fallen deeper into my hobbies

I have a massive plant collection now. 57 plants to be precise.

SO MANY GOOD THINGS.

Overall, life has been really, really good in the past year. I'm truly happy now. I never thought I'd get to this point, but here I am! I'm thriving!

(ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

My happiness shines through and I am so grateful. (~￣▽￣)~

Also here are some (not all) of my plants!!

[never-ending-fanfic]

Last Line Challenge

Rules: In a new post, show your latest line (artwork or written), and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like)!

Thank you @sunatsubu for tagging me! You're in luck cause I finally got my ass to write something instead of wallowing in this art block 💛

But as tiring and scary as it sounded, not all of the strange changes were bad.

He could relax, sit comfortably. He could eat whenever he wanted to, whatever he liked, he could explore what his preferences were and it didn't only mean the flavours of ration bars. He could take longer and warmer showers, he didn't have to wear an armour to sleep, he owned more clothes than ever before. He owned more things than ever before, he realised one time when he walked into his room on base and noticed just how many trinkets and decorations it gained in only two months, so different from the bare walls of his old room on an imperial destroyer.

When his hair reached long enough to brush against his shoulders, he didn't cut it- instead he asked Kanan for a spare hairband, in case he wanted it out of his face. Of course it didn't come without a long talk with Sabine about Imperial regulations and control over things as meaningless as the appearances of its soldiers. Similarly, though with much more difficulty, they needed to talk about it again when Kallus noticed he's gained weight. It wasn't anything strange, given he's been eating actual, full meals everyday, but the realisation came with much more struggles than the previous ones. Still, with a bit of help from Sabine and Zeb, he managed to convince himself that it wasn't anything bad, that he shouldn't be ashamed or feel like a failure, that he didn't need to rush and work out everyday for the next weeks to loose the additional pounds.

He talked to his coworkers, he made friends with some of them, including his fellow Fulcrum agent, Cassian Andor. He had more people close around him than ever, with the entire Ghost crew, coworkers at the Intelligence and many droids on base who seemed to have taken a liking to him for some reason.

In conclusion, despite the war, despite the changes and needed adjustments, it seemed his life was better than ever.

So of course something had to shatter it.

That's a snippet of that fic where I gave Kallus OCD btw

No pressure tagging:

@seth-shitposts @mayawakening @kitepiper @mystical-salamander @heart-0f-a-rebel16 @leftcolornacho @lost-in-derry @dominoxsquad

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

[nomsfaultau]

dunmeshi and sbi!fault :DD

I did briefly consider writing a normal sbi crossover cause ohhh my God it would be good. Honestly Laios did bleed into my Techno in Worth far more than your weight in gold cause Techno also gets into that hyperfixation on creature details (although in a lot more 'to kill them better' way). They are ON that grindset. Although polar opposites on Techno 'eating the same potato recipie for 12 months' vs laios 'new dish every meal'. The Blade is such a lazy cook see: cooking headcanons. Laios would openly speculate on how his meat differs from actual pork. And Wilbur would start explaining the flavor profile/texture difference very accurately to everyone's fascination/horror. The Blade also straight up doesn't know Chilchuck is part of the party because he's so tiny he's like 100% in The Blade's blind spot. Like yeah he can smell and hear him but he just keeps forgetting Chilchuck exists. Also confused that the orphan meter isn't pinging but whatever. Marcille constantly bribes him to get access to his long luxurious mane. Senshi is cool with him bc he's familiar with orcs.

I think Senshi and Philza share one brain cell in that regard. Agressively taking care of everyone else. Cause you cannot tell me Philza hasn't seen so so so many people starve to death in famines...not so much worried about cannibalism. Also. Technically Philza isn't in the mental place for more adoption (read: he's mentally stable rn), but it would be soooo funny if he looked at Chilchuck and was like. Another child? Baby? But that's mostly because I love tormenting Chilchuck so very very much. Probably radiating disappointment the second he finds out Chilchuck is not really in his kids life that much currently due to the adventure. Appreciates Marcille's fireballs and black magic. Philza cannot distinguish between Izutsumi and 14 yo Wilbur that's just the same kid.

Wilbur ADORES all the food omg yes this is fantastic. And Marcille is cringing as it eats increasingly inedible dishes and sarcastically teasing her for not eating it. But Wilbur CANNOT handle Laios 'man I wish I was a monster' like he just can't he will punch Laios if he tries that. Him and Izutsumi have the nastiest kvetching sessions it's fantastic. Instant bonding over being distrusting brats that are desperate to be human. Cannot fathom the picky eater thing. Likes how paranoid Chilchuck is, although Chilchuck is convinced a mimic is going to pop out of its head at any time.

Tommy gets even worse dish duty than normal, but these crazy adventurers like. Are really amazed about his power? About how it can be used to sanitize stuff?? Like passionately going on about the health implications and Tommy is just staring at his hands as a wholesome anime monologue is happening in the background while he's having flashbacks to murder. [Marcille and Tommy would be most insufferable duo imaginable. I think they’d constantly butt heads given how bossy yet insecure both of them are. Tommy would eat mud in front of her and Marcille would have an aneurism. And he’d blow a fuse about her thinking he’s essentially a toddler by elf standards. however. Tommy would be extremely encouraging of her explosion magic to a degree that would cause structural damage to the dungeon.] Tries to show off and impress Izutsumi because GIRL!!1! And is very cringefail about it, she and Wilbur team up to bully him. He thinks Senshi is weird and groans about having two Philzas. Constantly riling Chilchuck up about his height.

Tubbo is like thank God normal people who aren't crazy murderers at first. And then decides they're all weirdos but not Problematic to the degree of Fault crew peoples. Thinks Marcille's magic is freaking awesome, and helps her control her meat dragon homunculous guys a lot better. Grand/kid talking with Chilchuck. uhhh ngl having trouble with Tubbo for some reason lol.

Also. On a very big note I think the world building re: monsters could lead to massive angst and tension between the groups. Especially with things like Laios crossing lines on 'humanoid monsters' as food. Like the entire group is constantly talking about eating monsters, and for the Fault crew that's very dehumanizing, racist, offensive, traumatizing, etc. Very high chance they end of fighting each other, however, the funny dynamic trumps all so that's what I went with.

[transmutationisms]

Do you have a perspective on why stimulants aren’t currently widely prescribed as weight loss drugs? Im guessing it’s related to it being a ‘controlled substance’ and ‘scary drug’ but drug marketing in pursuit of pharmaceutical profits is pretty powerful… I wonder why I haven’t seen (effective?) efforts to try to ‘overhaul’ the image of stimulants as only associated with “addiction”, “hyperactive children”, finance bros, and “lazy adults”.

I know vyvanse is also prescribed for binge eating but I get the sense most people are unaware of that. I tried many stimulants and I had the most rapid and “easy” (found food repulsive) weight loss on vyvanse. Granted all of the many prescribed stimulants I’ve tried all greatly suppress my appetite.And I’ve seen it described as a benefit by some people who have it prescribed for adhd (I understand why people do and I sometimes see it as a very depressing benefits because lack of food security despite). Binge eating disorder and prescribing for general weight loss aren’t too far from each other in the fatphobic society we live in but I guess I’m curious how it hasn’t had the ozempic treatment already/ when will it happen. People already look down of folks who can’t function by society’s standards in certain contexts and I see that similarity in how people talk about people who take ozempic for weight loss (admonishing and a moral failure).

stimulants absolutely still are prescribed for weight loss lol, in addition to Vyvanse for 'binge eating' (v unreliable diagnosis that many people receive when they are in fact dealing with subjective loss of control around food as a direct result of restrictive behaviours...) there's also Desoxyn (methamphetamine) and Phentermine (a substituted amphetamine), which are both still FDA-approved for short-term weight management. and yes that's Phentermine as in half of fen-phen. you also have to keep in mind that off-label prescribing is hard to track but is probably still occurring at not-insignificant rates (i know it happens with Ephedra and Clenbuterol, for example). and then there are also patients who use stimulants for weight loss without a doctor's knowledge, either by obtaining them on the black market or by simply getting a doctor to prescribe them for something else.

anyway in regards to pharma marketing strategies i think there are a few things going on here:

weight loss has never actually been the sole market for these drugs, nor was it the first. amphetamine was first synthesised in 1929; it was put into asthma inhalers almost immediately and by the late 30s was being sold as a kind of generalised wellness-producing drug, used by, for instance, college students as a 'pep pill'. the Allies used quite a bit of amphetamine in WWII to keep soldiers alert (the US military was still doing this in Iraq and Afghanistan in the 2000s; afaik they have not stopped this practice). by the late 50s stimulants were also marketed as pick-me-ups for unhappy housewives and for a dizzying array of depression 'subtypes' (postpartum, old age-related, disability-related) and 'modern miseries' (atomic anxiety, economic and political unrest). it wasn't until the 50s and 60s that stimulants really started to be marketed as diet pills, with 'overeating' configured as a symptom of depression. even those formulations also had other use markets: professional athletes, for example. i'm sure pharma companies would love to have the stimulant dominance they once did in weight loss, but it's not really necessary in order to move product: these days the ADHD diagnosis will generally do the job just fine. nicolas rasmussen's book On Speed has more on this history.

speaking of the ADHD diagnosis, i have observed that in the last two or so decades, it has increasingly been invoked in bioessentialist narratives of either 'chemical imbalances' (usually dopamine, norepinephrine) or distinct 'neurotypes' that are said to cause, worsen, or be susceptible to 'overeating', which can therefore be treated by the use of stimulant drugs. i strongly suspect an effect here is that 'overeating', weight gain, or 'obesity' are de facto being used as diagnostic criteria for ADHD, or for other psychiatric diagnoses considered to have high overlap in behavioural presentation. this is not dissimilar to the formulation in the 60s of 'overeating' as a result of depression; in both cases the narrative elides the appetite-suppressant effects of stimulants and presents them as aiding with weight loss by treating an underlying bio/psychiatric pathology. an interesting historical note here is that Adderall is simply a rebrand of the second-gen formulation of the weight-loss drug Obetrol.

presently, weight loss is largely marketed using the language of health rather than aesthetics. although pharma companies are certainly not morally above lying, i do think it would be a tough pill to swallow (pun intended) if they tried to convince anyone that a stimulant prescription is part of this sort of 'wellness' scene. that could change in the future, ofc; these perceptions and associations are socially and historically contingent. in the US even as recently as the 90s, people were definitely still presenting fen-phen as health-promoting (tautologically, because it caused weight loss!), at least until the valve disease scandal.

glp-1 agonists like ozempic are, i think, getting a lot of extremely credulous coverage, from both the medical establishment and health journalists, that is obfuscating the fact that they basically also work by suppressing the appetite. whether it is 'healthier' to do this with a substance that alters endocrine function than to do it with a substance that acts on adrenergic receptors is unclear to me. certainly there are many 'side effects' of the glp-1 agonists that are simply the results of rapid / significant weight loss (fatigue, weakness, osteoporosis, hair loss, gallstones, 'ozempic face', &c). that a process that causes these things can be marketed as health-promoting is a whole other topic lol. but i think the perception of the glp-1 agonists as healthful weight-loss agents has to do with certain misunderstandings of diabetes, metabolism, and body weight, as well as a degree of... not quite blackboxing, but something adjacent, on the part of pharma companies in their promotional materials. which is to say, it wouldn't surprise me if, in the future, people looked back at glp-1 agonists as also being risky drugs to use for weight loss, and only being worth using in specific, limited circumstances.

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

It was a stupid wish when Jake made it but he didn’t realize just how stupid it was. He and Rick were walking past an d fortune teller machine when Jake put a quarter in. He and Rick were always talking about making a change in their lives that would be thrilling but they each had their own kinks. Jake always wanted someone who had a little more control while Rick always teased him for not being able to fully commit to it. Rick was always into random things depending on what sparked his fire at the moment. The machine came to life and a robotic voice said “make your wish foolish mortal”. Rick laughed at the quarter that was wasted. “You just wish for someone to control your life like you always wanted” as he nudged Jake. “Sure. Why not. I wish I had someone that controlled my life and made me obey everything” Jake said laughing. A card spit out of the machine saying wish granted and they both laughed as they continued walking. They parted ways when they got to Jake’s apartment. Rick continued walking into the night and it was beginning to storm.

That night a large thunderstorm hit the town. The roof of Jake’s apartment started to leak right over his bed and he was forced to sleep in the floor they night as his bed was soaked. He hated living in this run down apartment building.

The next morning Jake was woke up when he smelled something sweaty and unwashed. Right at his nose. It smelled sour. He opened his eyes and seen a foot right in front of his face. He sat upward immediately but found it to give great trouble for some reason.

“You lazy dog. Get up now !” Jake looked up and it was Rick. Only it didn’t look quite like him anymore. “Well? Why are you just looking at me stupid I gave you a command!” Jake slowly got to his feet and realize that Rick was now a few inches taller than himself. Did Rick grow over !? Jake looked up to his friend and seen a thick mustache forming over his lip almost instantly and his stomach began to poke out slightly. Jake tried to ask why was going on but all that would come out was a barking noise like a dog. “Shut up dog. You’re pathetic. You’re going to wake up the neighbors!” Rick pushed Jake down into a seat in the room and Jake felt himself get larger as he felt himself begin to itch.

He didn’t realize what was going on but he could feel the weight growing on his frame as he continued to get fatter and hairier. While he looked at Rick he could seen the sweat forming on the man. A thick layer of musk began to envelop the room while the clothes that were laying on the bed began to change from jeans and a tshirt to a brown button up and a pair of dark brown uniform pants.

Jake wanted to tell what is going on but all that would come out was the barking noise. Rick began to put on the clothing and somehow he looked more powerful and more in control than he had ever appeared before. Jake could see a name tag on the uniform flash. One that read “Hop”. Hop? What does that mean. Jake wanted to ask but he couldn’t. He tried to stand up to escape what was going on but when he did he was brought down to all fours. “That’s right dog. Right where you belong under my damn foot!” The newly forming Hop said as he placed his foot on Jake’s bow hairy back and pushed down causing Jake to wimper slightly.

“Come on dog. Time for breakfast!” Hop walked out of the room and Jake was compelled to follow like a lost dog looking for his owner. All while remaining on all fours. He tried to stand up but his body wouldn’t allow him. Each step he took toward the kitchen he could feel himself bulking with more muscle and a padding of thicker fat. Hair getting thicker on his body as well. when he was entering the doorway of the kitchen he could hear what sounded like cereal being poured into a bowl. Hop placed a bowl on the floor next to his smelly booted foot and said “come on dog eat!” While he himself smirked and stood eating a bowl of cereal. Jake again was compelled against his will to listen to everything Hop told him. The bowl had a name. Idiot Jake printed on it. Inside was actual dog food and Jake began to eat it without a moment of hesitation.

“Good boy. I bet you’re happy aren’t you!” Jake began to bark repeatedly while he ate even faster. Jumping around his food bowl like a stupid dog. “That’s my dog. Now. Get in your damn crate. I’m going to work and you can’t be out all day. You filthy mongrel!” Jake ran to cage and looked at Hop with his tongue hanging out like a dumb dog. He was joe being forced to be a dumb dog while someone else had complete control of him. Hop locked him in his cage with a padlock and walked out of the apartment. The whole time Jake was internally screaming while he was reduced to nothing but a drooling dumb animal with no free will.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Ello good sir how do you do I humbly request a detailed description on shiggys squat prowess

OKAY IT'S FINALLY TIME!!!!

But first, some introduction at how Tomura ended up doing squats in the first place:

In my mind, Tomura is the type that gets boring with repetitive exercises. The most working out he does is related to life or death situations. The rest of the time? Videogames, hating everything, you know. He likes to fight, but not much doing the same movement 20 times in three sets, okay?

It all started with Spinner.

As we know, Spinner visibly works out. Knowing him, he'd ask Shigaraki to train with him at some point. Tomura would try to say no, an opportunity for the League to make fun of him, saying he's the type who wouldn't stand one round or that he's scared of physical exercise, etc.

That's how we got Shigaraki Tomura to do his first ever set of squats.

Hmmm, I don't know how familiar my readers are with working out jargon, so let me explain:

Repetitions means a single movement, like each individual squat.

A set is the number of determined repetitions, like each set has 5 repetitions = 5 squats.

A round is the number of determined sets, like each round has 3 sets. 1 round = 15 squats.

Here's the thing: squats need strength from your core (abs, sides of the body and lower back) to stabilize your body as it controls the movement up and down. Squats also draw strength from the glutes (muscles around your ass and hips) and from the entire length of the legs (especially the thighs!). The basic types target the lower muscles of the body, but some combinations aim to work the entire body!!

Tomura starts out with the classical body weight squat like most people do, setting the goal as a round of 2 sets with 10 repetitions each.

I think Tomura would complain the whole time over how tedious it is, but he completed the sets AND did a second round. Spinner is impressed because he thought Tomura looked too skinny to be able to complete it successfully without being truly tired. He was not even sweating!

Let's say he rarely accompanies Spinner when he works out. There's no time anyway. They're too busy running away or trying to survive.

When he does, Spinner manipulates Tomura (or he thinks so) through his competitiveness to do as many rounds as he can. They make it harder by talking while doing squats. Spinner knows when Tomura is close to the limit 'cause his legs start to shake, his voice becomes breathy and he frowns more, as if he needs to concentrate to keep his usual control over his body. Tomura tends to lay down almost lifeless after each session, chugging down energy drinks or eating whatever snack Kurogiri has placed there for their post-workout.

It's not 'til Tomura starts fighting Gigantomachia and after My Villain Academia that Tomura turns into the squad monster that he is.

All that jumping from rock to rock to fight Machia got Tomura's lower body muscles made of steel. He inherited the body type of the Shimuras, who are naturally fit and tend to gain lean muscle if they work out. Have you seen Nana Shimura and how absolutely fine she looked in her suit? Have you seen her arms? Kotaro looked squarely built in the lean sense too.

You know how I know that Tomura gained muscle fighting Machia? You can compare his neck from his first chapters to his neck after fighting Machia for weeks. You can also check how the surgery to get All for one affected his body. Look:

He's kinda cheating, but then again he underwent 4 months of pure hell to get the strength and the body. 4 months that looked like this:

He destroyed Spinner in their squat competition after the surgery. Totally obliterated him, to the point Tomura had to try more complex squats or it'd be too boring.

I'm talking freaking about back squats with a lot of weight, the type that highlight all his muscles and have the sweat running through the lines on his skin where the muscles cave in. Front squads that have his pants suffering because they're so close to bursting given the pressure on the thighs. One leg squads with weight that have him going down slowly and up like it's nothing to him, like he is not carrying the weight of his entire body and some more with just one leg. He can do air squats and play videogames at the same time. He once carried Spinner on his back to prove he could do the squads with his weight as practice. His sumo squats are accompanied by his usual self-satisfied smirk, because that's the perfect payback for all the comments about his skinny ass. The minute he starts doing jump squats to push ups WITH FREAKING WEIGHT, that's when Spinner is out.

He's a total asshole about it because he knows he is that good at squats and doesn't care to point out if Spinner is being "pathetic", right before he offers a hand for Spinner to stand up.

I think he goes to sit on a chair and all his muscles bulge naturally. They need to shop for new pants (they steal them of course lol). That man has an absurd tiny waist and it doesn't help that both his shoulders and legs gain definition over time.

Just look for the latest panels with him in it. It's absurd!!!!

The only one who could win a squat competition is Deku and maybe Iida, because their fight styles are kick-based. For the rest? Crushing defeat.